So I got a press release recently about Rutina Wesley making a personal appearance at Mohegan Sun this coming Saturday and it reminded me that I have never given due credit to my good friend Annmarie’s terrific turn back in 2009 as everybody’s favorite telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse. Another friend and I dressed up as slutty vampire brides (from Van Helsing) and “Sookie” still overshadowed us with her tight little tee and hotpants. How were we supposed to compete with that?!  Belated as it is, here’s a tip of the hat and a swig of True Blood in recognition of my buddy’s rendition of Sook. Will you be visiting Bon Temps for Halloween this year?

Attention Tara Thornton fans: if you don’t have plans for October 27 and are within a train ride of Uncasville, CT, Mohegan Sun is serving up a chance to meet the gorgeous Rutina Wesley in person. Rutina, who’s getting sexier by the minute as the newest baby vamp on True Blood, is making a personal appearance at Mohegan Sun’s Signings & Sightings as part of the entertainment complex’s slate of Halloween celebrations. Rutina will sign autographs for fans wearing special bracelets that will be handed out in the concourse of The Shops at Mohegan Sun to gain entry to the signing. The event starts at 9 p.m. and distribution of the bracelets starts at 8 p.m.  Participation is on a first-come, first-served basis and they’re expecting a big turnout so make sure to get there early to claim your spot in line. As it happens, Rutina, who will also be stopping by the Halloween Costume Party taking place on the patio of Todd English’s Tuscany later that night, has Las Vegas roots. Her dad was a tap dancer and her mom was a showgirl so I guess greeting fans at a big casino is a homecoming of sorts for her. For full details on the Mohegan Sun’s Halloween happenings, visit their site here.

Is Bill now the mate of Lilith?

August 26 – The fifth season of True Blood brought its religion-themed storyline to a bloody climax as the good guys invaded The Authority headquarters and the competition to lead the Sanguinista movement took a dramatic new turn. The funny thing is that Russell played a very small part in the action-packed finale despite seemingly getting his wish to gorge on a fairy blood feast at the end of last week’s episode. Russ barely flinches on the receiving end of the fairies’ combined light blasts as he gets dangerously close to their dimension. Just as all seems lost, Eric shows up and stakes Russell, enjoying his destruction even more than he ever thought was possible. Poor Steven Newlin screeches and vamooses. He is a single lady once more. Eric forces Norah to swear on Godric that she will not feed on Sookie despite the tantalizing smell of her blood. Sook is still not comfortable around Eric’s sister as Eric, Norah and Pam recruit Sook and Jason to their master plan to invade The Authority headquarters to rescue Pam and Jessica and foil Bill’s plot to enslave humankind. Jason agrees to help Sookie and the vampires but he hides an ulterior motive. Seeing visions of his dead parents, Jason loads up on ammo at the local weapons store and tells Sook that he plans to kill any vampire that gets in his way, including Bill, if necessary. The time for understanding vampires is over, he says, and suggests that he and Sookie keep falling for the wrong people because of an abandonment issue that left them feeling they deserved no better. Sookie disagrees.

Eric enjoyed killing Russell more than he imagined. The fairies appreciated it, too.

At the Authority headquarters, Bill is hitting a number of items on his to-do list. Discovering that Sam has infiltrated their ranks, he orders his commandos to search the compound for the escaped shifter, who has taken the form of a fly to travel through the air ducts in his search for an escape route for him, Luna and Emma. He later humors Salome, who’s going on about how Lilith chose her to lead the Sanguinista movement. A wicked glint in his eye suggests he’s cooking something up for the stuck-up Salome. Back in Bon Temps, the non-vampire crowd wraps up a few loose ends and sets the stage for a whole new batch of crazy for next season. Lafayette whips up some delicious frozen margaritas for Arlene and Holly just as Andy arrives with Maurella to tell Holly about his fairy miracle on the way. As if on cue, Morella begins to pop out not one, but four half fairy baby girls while howling like a porn star as Holly serves as a reluctant midwife. Apparently childbirth is an orgasmic experience in Fairyland. Why am I not surprised? Take good care of them, she tells Andy as she sashays out of Merlotte’s with nary a hair out of place. Holly is not pleased with her man. In wolf country, Martha Bozeman brings a strung out Rikki to the Herveaux ranch for help from Alcide. The pack’s V-addicted packmaster J.D. forced all the she-wolves to drink V and Rikki overdosed, bringing her to the brink of death. Alcide decides to take action and his dad tells him to fight fire with fire. He’s got a stash of V for protection, which Alcide takes and confronts J.D. in a musclebound rage, killing him while juiced on the V. The werewolves kneel in Alcide’s presence, recognizing him as the pack’s new master. Alcide vows to rule with honor and restore natural order to the pack. Does this mean he’s no longer sweet on Sookie? At the Authority headquarters, all hell breaks loose as the remaining chancellors come under attack by forces within and outside the compound. Luna shifts into Steve Newlin and takes Emma out of the holding pen, nearly making it outside the compound until Rosalind intercepts her believing her to be Steve.

Rosalind fell to pieces over Sam.

Livid at Steve and Russell’s slaughter of the fraternity members, Roz demands “Steve” make a broadcast to explain away the video evidence of the Authority’s involvement. Stumbling through the broadcast, Luna loses control of her skinwalking exercise and exposes the Authority’s plot to the newscaster interviewing her as Steve. Rosalind cuts off the broadcast and bares her fangs but Sam, in the shape of a fly, pops into her mouth and shifts back to human form inside her, bursting her into a million bloody pieces. Luna, however, slumps over in her chair. Has she paid the ultimate price for her desperate bid to rescue her daughter? Eric and Norah drive through the Authority’s security check point with Sookie, Tara and Jason bound and gagged in the back seat to fool the guards. Spotting Sookie in the security camera, Bill is unnerved. For the moment, however, he tends to Salome, who delivers another of her long, boring speeches about being the chosen one because she’s the strongest of the Chancellors. She swallows what she believes to be the rest of Lilith’s blood only to double over in agony. Bill had tricked her into drinking blood loaded with silver and positions himself over her to deliver the staking she so richly deserves. With her last breath, Salome admits that Lilith chose well after all.

No more long, boring speeches from Salome!

Team Eric storms Authority headquarters with a divide and conquer strategy. Jason, decked out in S.W.A.T. gear, paves the way for their invasion by blasting away every vamp with the poor luck to be anywhere near the entrance. Tara and Sookie make their way down to the holding cells to free Pam and Jessica as Eric and Norah tackle disabling the central security systems. Once the cells are unlocked, Tara and Pam have a rather, um, “touching” reunion. Now, there’s nothing wrong with some girl-on-girl action mind you, but I was just getting used to the mother-daughter dynamic between them and I’m not sure I’m feeling this new twist in their relationship. Jess, however, is pleased as punch to see that her suspicions were right. As our motley crew makes their escape, Eric and Sookie stay behind to save Bill from himself. Bill, it turns out, is too far gone. He’s done feeling regretful about being a vampire and apologizing for his true nature. Despite Sook’s pleas, he drinks what’s left of Lilith’s blood and collapses into a bloody mess only to rise again from the pool of blood looking like a male version of Lilith baring huge fangs. Eric has one word for Sookie: RUN!

Chancellor Akinijide said the wrong thing at the wrong time to a Lilith-obsessed Bill.

August 19 – Things start to unravel for both the Authority and the fairies in the penultimate episode of the season and the body count is rising fast. Russell’s defection has left the chancellors in a prickly mood as Lilith starts to play some dangerous mind games. Bill hears a woman’s voice beckon to him and sees a blood-soaked Lilith tell him she chose him to lead the Authority and demands he drink all her blood that’s left in the glass flask. Bill gets a major vampire boner at the mere thought of drinking it but manages to restrain himself. He’s still fully submerged in the Sanguinista cult, however, as Jessica learns when Bill catches her trying to escape. When she lies that she wants to turn Jason, he calls her bluff and sends her to accomplish her mission accompanied by two Authority goons. When they catch up with Jason, Jessica fakes feeding on him which distracts the guards long enough to give Jason the chance to blow them away with silver bullets. Jess warns Jason that Bill and Eric have been brainwashed by the Authority and Jason heads off to warn Sookie in Fairyland. Jess hides out at Fangtasia, where she fills Pam in on Eric’s whereabouts. Pam reveals that Bill and Eric are exhibiting the signs of nesting, a phenomenon where vamps become homicidal after spending long periods in a cult. Jess and Tara’s attempt to renew their tenuous friendship is interrupted by the arrival of Roslyn, who is searching for the killer of her progeny Elijah. Pam confesses to being the culprit to protect Tara and is hauled away by Roslyn’s enforcers. On her way out, Roz catches Jessica and brings Bill’s wayward kid back to Authority headquarters. Unbeknownst to the chancellors, their ranks are being undermined by Lilith and Norah, who is brought back to the side of the good guys by recurring visions of Godric’s destruction at Lilith’s hands — and a helpful roll in the hay with Eric. When a human general shows up demanding to see Roman, the chancellors inform him they’ve gone Sanguinista and he counters that a video of Russell and Steve slaughtering members of a fraternity will be leaked to the press if anything happens to him. Eric sees an opportunity to knock the chancellors off-balance by killing the general. In the ensuing panic, he and Norah escape to plot their next move as fugitives from the Authority. Bill comes across chancellor Akinijide worshiping Lilith’s blood and destroys him in a rage when Kibwe says Lilith chose him to lead the Sanguinista movement. It appears Lil is pitting the chancellors against each other and also goes to Salome with her “you’re the one” act. The inevitable confrontation between Bill and Salome will surely be a good one to behold.

Can Andy and Holly overcome the fact that he’s got a half-fairy love child on the way?

In non-vampire news, Arlene and Terry are blissful in the wake of the whole Ifrit mess and give Andy relationship advice just in time for Andy’s one-night-fairy-stand Maurella to show up preggers and demanding he do right by her. Maurella’s petrified of Russell’s fairy hunt and wants a big strong human cop to protect her. A shirtless Alcide, his chiseled muscles glistening in the sunlight, is staying at his embittered wolf dad’s farm when a fellow werewolf shows up to warn them about bands of recently turned vamps who are attacking livestock. When Alcide takes off after a group of vampires on the hunt, his dad pitches in and helps him fend off the bloodsuckers with a crossbow. There may be hope for Papa Hervaux after all. Sam and Luna find Emma, locked in her adorable wolf pup form, in a holding pen full of caged naked humans waiting to be served as meals to the Authority. When guards capture them, Sam volunteers to be taken to Bill as his next meal, leaving Luna behind to figure out how to bust Emma out. In Fairyland, Sookie gets an audience with the music-obsessed Elder fairy (played by Erica Gimple of the TV series Fame in a kooky performance). The Elder knew Sook’s great-great-grandfather and is about to tell her something juicy about M. Warlow when Jason arrives to warn Sookie about Russ. The Elder is not pleased to hear that Russell’s still alive. Sookie convinces the fairies that they need to take a stand and combine their light powers against Russell’s inevitable attack. Jason and Sookie cook up a plan for Jason to lure Russell into the line of fire. When the moment of truth arrives, the Elder decides to take on Russ and Steve alone. She easily flings Steve across the field with her power but a cagey Russell deflects her next spell using Jason as a shield and manages to sink his fangs into her, draining her instantly. Supercharged on the Elder’s potent blood, Russ is able to see into the fairies’ dimension and feasts his eyes on the delightful sight of fairies galore. Dinner is served!  Next up: the season finale of True Blood!

Has Eric really been turned over to the Sanguinistas or did Godric get through to him?

August 12 – In the wake of the capture of the Obama mask-wearing supes hate group led by former sheriff Dearborn, we see the departure of a longtime Bon Temps favorite as Sookie’s Warlow mystery deepens in a rather blood-soaked episode. Sook can’t get away from the wall-to-wall news coverage about the spike in vampire attacks due to the Tru Blood shortage — literally — when a trusted crime scene examiner named Mike attacks her at home. She manages to stake him into a bloody mess and is none too pleased. When Jason comes by to help her clean up yet again he discovers a hollow space under the floor of Sook’s bedroom and pulls out a 200-year-old scroll written in an ancient language unknown to humans. Now, what else would you expect one would find underneath the floorboards in Sookie’s house I ask you? Jason may have scored by finding the scroll, but he’s in for heartache when Hoyt decides to move to Alaska to work on an oil rig. Facing Jason and Jessica one last time at Merlotte’s, Hoyt begs Jess to glamour him and wipe any memory of them out of his head. In a beautifully acted scene, Jess complies with Hoyt’s wishes, implanting in his mind that he will experience his first true love in Alaska and know happiness far from Bon Temps. Later, Jason pulls Hoyt over on the road while driving to enlist the fairies’ help in solving the Warlo mystery and fails in a last-ditch effort to convince Hoyt to stay. Heartbroken by the finality of Hoyt’s decision, Jason dissolves into sobs as Sookie consoles her grieving brother. In other Merlotte’s news, Sam and Lafayette stop some supes-hating thugs from hurting Jess, who’s left without guards after Bill stops paying her security detail. Lafayette later prepares a special dinner for lovebirds Andy and Holly, promising that the dessert will indeed be, um, flaming. Jess is summoned to Authority headquarters for her own safety. At Fangtasia, Pam and Tara are having trouble with Elijah, the Goth vamp who is the section’s newly appointed sheriff and owner of the club. Elijah suggests they add vampire-human “buddy feeding booths” to beef up lagging profits at Fangtasia and compares Pam’s dated managerial style to Blockbuster Video. We all know what happened to them. He also communicates the Authority’s dictate that all vamps create a minimum of three new vamps each to build their ranks in the growing war between humans and vampires. Tara, however, won’t give in to Elijah’s takeover of their home and tricks him into a situation where she’s able to destroy him. Pam can’t help but be impressed.

What dark secret did Sookie and Jason’s father take with him to the grave?

Back at Authority headquarters, change is in the air. Tech geek Molly is staked by the very remote-controlled death harness she created when she refuses to pledge allegiance to the sanguinista cause. Steve, who is distastefully giddy at witnessing Molly’s staking, is blossoming in his role as spokesperson for the vampire movement and relishes his new relationship with Russell, who takes him out for “Greek food.” The two have a romantic twirl among the heap of dead bodies they left in their wake. Steve’s luck may be running out, however, since Sam and Luna hitch a ride in his briefcase in the form of white mice when he leaves the New Orleans TV studio where he has a debate. Sam and Luna are determined to rescue Emma from her new role as Steve’s reluctant pet after Russ swiped her from her grandma’s arms as a gift for this honey bunny. They did great rounding up the Obamas at the pig farm but can they fend off a pack of vamps juiced up on Lilith’s blood? Speaking of Lil, Bill, who’s turned Sanguinista after his blood-sucking tryst with Salome, and Norah force a captive Eric to drink the vampire goddess’ blood. As Bill watches from a security camera, Eric and Norah have a wild trip in which Godric appears to them and his image is destroyed by Lilith. Viewing Godric’s symbolic destruction at Lilith’s hands jolts Eric into repenting and asking forgiveness from The Authority chancellors and his nemesis Russell. Russ would clearly rather rip the viking vamp’s head off but plays along. All bets are off, however, when Salome rejects Russell’s suggestion that The Authority begin harvesting fairy blood to allow vamps to walk in daylight. This would be an abomination, Salome says, and Russ flings her across the room. He slips into his ancient, true accent when he berates the chancellors who would dare defy him. Disgusted by their blind loyalty to Lilith, Russ decides it’s time to resign from the club and start his own cooler vampire following. Will Steve follow him or find another sugar daddy? Will Lilith chop Russell’s head off for his insubordination? While the Authority members have their tiff, Sookie and Jason consult with one of the elder fairies, who deciphers the message in the scroll they found. It turns out the scroll is a sales agreement between Daddy Stackhouse and the vamp identified as M. Warlow. Worse yet, it seems that Sookie was the merchandise!

Hey Truebies! Did you know True Blood’s sexy shifter Luna was a singer? Well, Janina Gavankar is featured in a new segment on the online music magazine show The Q Side hosted by former MTV VJ Quddus, who goes behind the scenes as Janina shoots a video for her new single. Looking gorgeous and chic, Janina jokes about being hard at work while her True Blood castmates enjoy their shooting hiatus. She also shows a very personal side when she’s visibly moved while discussing the song’s theme, which brings up the pain of her father’s recent passing. My condolences to Janina on her loss. I know the feeling. Her interview with Quddus begins at the 7:04 mark.

 

Pam’s happy face looks just like her mad face.

July 29 – Jason stops Sookie from depleting her fairy light by making her realize her powers may help them discover the identity of the vampire who killed their parents. Sookie’s fairy powers make her special, he reminds her. The two return to Fairyland to enlist the help of the fairies and the tinkerbells form a circle of energy that enables Sook to experience what her mother saw the night she was killed. Sook sees the vamp, but can’t make out his features, then, when her mother dies in the flashback, Sook sees the proceedings from the vamp’s point of view and feels the blast of her dead fairy godmother Claudine, who attacked the vampire, calling him Warlo. Sookie later sees a ghostly version of Warlo floating above her in her bathroom. Does the vamp sense that the Stackhouse siblings are hot on his trail? Jessica has a close call when she picks up a hot fangbanger at Fangtasia who turns out to be one of the hate group members who lured her into a trap to be presented to Hoyt bound in silver chains for execution. Hoyt spares her life but is still bitter when she admits that her love for him has died. In other Fangtasia news, Tara, who is looking more glamorous as the weeks go by, has a nasty reunion with a bitchy and racist acquaintance from high school. Although Pam stops Tara from being rude to the customer, she later presents the woman, chained up, to Tara as her personal feeding station. A delighted Tara, who thought Pam was upset with her, learns that Pam’s mad face looks just like her happy one and dives into her meal with gusto. Also diving into things is Alcide, who has two vigorous tussles with very different results. First, he and Rikki give in to their simmering animal attraction and have a hot round of perfect-bodied wolf sex. Alcide may have a new mate, but he may not live long enough to enjoy her if J.D. has anything to say about it. Knowing Alcide’s morals are his weak spot, J.D. challenges him to a hunt where the prey is a young human track star. Alcide refuses to participate and tries to stop J.D. when the hunt goes on. A juiced-up J.D. gets the best of Alcide during their fight but is stopped from killing him by Martha and the rest of the pack. How will Alcide bounce back from this humiliating defeat? Luna has a pretty bad day herself when her skincrawling morphing ability kicks in from all the stress over the shifter hunters and she turns into Sam! She steals some clothes to sneak out of the hospital while clueless folks don’t notice that although she looks like Sam she still walks like Luna. At the jail, Sam is interrogating a hate group member in the form of a cobra when Luna shows up and freaks him out. Looking on at the weird sight of Sam and his lookalike girlfriend, Andy woefully says he hates living in freaky Bon Temps.

Can Arlene save Terry from the curse of the Ifrit?

Lafayette has a loving reunion with the spirit of Jesus as he’s driving home and gets hired by Arlene and Holly to break the fire monster curse hovering over Terry. The girls are hopeful that a séance with Lafayette will convince Terry that he’s not doomed. Lafayette plays along for a pay-day but the séance, with Terry and Patrick present, becomes the real thing when Lafayette channels the spirit of the Iraqi woman, who reveals that the only way the curse of the Ifrit can be lifted is if either Terry or Patrick is killed as a sacrifice. An eye for an eye, as it were. The girls aren’t happy with Lafayette’s performance. Neither is Patrick, who runs out like a bat out of hell. How appropriate. At the Authority headquarters, the chancellors are basking in the afterglow of their feeding orgy and begin plotting the overthrow of the mainstreaming movement worldwide. Steve Newlin and Russell seem to be contemplating maneuvers of a different sort when a bossy Salome reminds Russ that it’s time to work. Has the Vampire King found a replacement for his late partner Talbot? Salome is exerting her newfound power in very pushy ways, like forcing Bill to feed on a human woman. While the chancellors strategize their next move, Bill comes up with the diabolical idea of bombing True Blood factories to force the mainstreamers to feed on humans. The chancellors love the idea. Eric can’t believe his ears. Has Bill turned to the dark side or is this the first step in a brilliant plan to defeat the sanguinistas? Stay tuned!

Chancellor Dieter Braun lost his head over the whole drinking Lilith’s blood thing.

July 22 – The Authority’s goons subdue the rampaging Russell with a net made of silver after he staked poor Roman. Salome finally confesses to digging up Russell in order to sic him on Roman and steal his position as the Authority’s guardian. She’s in cahoots with Norah as sanguinistas who will democratize the vampire power base among all vamps to live in servitude to Lilith as the vampire bible dictates. Eric is livid with Norah and can’t believe he fell for her act. Salome frees Russell, who claims to be now serving Lilith. When Salome offers the chancellors Lilith’s blood to drink Dieter Braun cries blasphemy and gets beheaded by Russ. The chancellors, along with Bill and Eric, get royally smashed on Lilith’s potent brand of V juice and walk the streets of New Orleans in a drunken stupor. Crashing a pre-wedding party, the vamps turn the humans’ festivities into a blood-soaked feeding frenzy, stopping momentarily to witness the curvaceous nude form of Lilith emerge from a floating drop of blood. The vampire queen directs them to continue their gorging but Eric is stopped by the spirit of Godric, who tells him what they’re doing is wrong. Will Eric rise up against Lilith’s will? Alcide is determined to beat alpha male J.D. for control of the wolf pack without using V to even the playing field as his new she-wolf friend Rikki suggests. A frisky Alcide and Rikki’s fight workout morphs into a sexy wrestling match which Martha interrupts. She won’t believe J.D. is on V but later catches him trying to feed it to Emma. In fairyland, the fairies revive Sookie and reveal they blasted her to test her luminescence, which is finite and will be depleted as she uses her powers. The prospect of being powerless is not unappealing to Sook, however. During a visit to the hospital to visit Luna, Sook ponders with Sam how living as a human again would be safer. She may have a point, the hate thugs are thirsting for revenge against Sam for killing one of their group as Sam discovers when he catches one of them lurking around the hospital. Worse yet, they’ve convinced Hoyt that his place is with them. Meanwhile, family issues bedevil Tara and Lafayette. Tara’s mother interrupts her daughter’s super-powered pole dance at Fangtasia to tell her she’s disowning her. Tara makes a veiled threat in return but is devastated by her mom’s rejection nonetheless. Pam, who is genuinely proud of Tara’s erotic dancing skills, comforts her progeny briefly, promising she’ll totally forget her human mother in 100 years. Lafayette tracks down Jesus’ uncle Don Bartolo and is caught in the brujo’s trap. Tying up Lafayette and suturing his mouth shut like Jesus, Don Bartolo plans to transfer Lafayette’s brujo mojo, which he believes Lafayette doesn’t deserve, into the unborn child his wife is carrying. Luckily for Lafayette, the wife isn’t on board with the game plan and stabs Bartolo to death then frees Lafayette.

Jessica’s not smiling after her tiff with Jason. Will she be the hate group’s next target?

The boring Ifrit story limps along as Arlene is comforted by Holly, who reminds her friend that they’ve seen enough crazy stuff to warrant giving Terry the benefit of the doubt. The Ifrit continues to toy with Patrick and Terry, biding its time before making a final attack. Yawn. Far more juicy is Jason’s encounter with Jess after he interrupts her feeding session on a hunky fangbanger. Jason insults Jess and she instinctively bites him so he shoots her in the head. Although the gunshot wound heals immediately, the wound to Jess’ heart proves deeper and she banishes Jason from her mansion as her guards pounce to protect her. Jason is distracted from his fight with Jessica by a blinding light show caused by Sookie unleashing a torrent of light blasts into the sky to deplete her powers. Will Sook go back to being just a waitress again?

 

Eric tried to elminate some competition for Sookie while glamouring Alcide.

July 15 – A battle royal breaks out in Russell Edgington’s chamber as his guard wolves pounce on Eric, Bill and Alcide. Russ tries to replenish his powers with a drink of Sookie’s fairy blood but is flung across the room by her potent light blast. One of the Authority’s chancellors arrives to stop the melee along with his goon squad. He agrees to let Bill and Eric glamour Sookie and Alcide to make them forget what transpired. Eric takes advantage and convinces Alcide that he’s repulsed by Sookie but Bill let’s Sookie remember and pretends to wipe her memory clean of not only the fight with Russ but their love. As a heartbroken Sook drives off with Alcide, the Authority chancellor rounds up the remaining grateful human survivors from Russ’s ghoulish food pantry and slaughters them to cover the Authority’s tracks. At Fangtasia, Tara makes Pam proud by standing up to Jessica in their bathroom brawl but Pam reminds her “daughter” that she’s no more than a well-trained dog. I think Tara may still be touched by Pam’s words. Hoyt is pretty pleased by the girl fight, which he takes as evidence that Jess still loves him. He offers himself to her any way she’ll have him. He just wants to be hers and hers alone. She doesn’t take him up on his offer. Stung by her renewed rejection, he takes up with a male vampire and doesn’t care when the feeding vamp warns him he’s close to death. Hoyt is “rescued” by the supes-hating goons who shot Sam and Luna when they drive up and destroy the vampire. The goons know Hoyt well. Will he be recruited to their cause? Sam and Luna survive their wounds and Emma’s grandmother brings her to visit them in the ER. Luna realizes she must let the wolf matriarch care for Emma while Sam tracks down the masked hoodlums with Andy’s help. When Sam and Andy visit an weapons store for vamp haters, the clerk recognizes Sam and tries to shoot Andy but Sam kills him with a crossbow first! At Sookie’s house, a huge Alcide looks hysterical waking up in Sook’s prissy pink bedroom. During breakfast, he doesn’t remember anything that went on the night before and recoils when Sook touches him, just as Eric wanted. Sook nevertheless breaks through to Alcide’s subconscious and unlocks his memories. Alcide is disgusted that Bill and Eric let Russell live and heads off to confront the werewolves from Marcus Bozeman’s pack who are in cahoots with Russ. When Alcide lays claim to the title of the pack’s new master, he’s challenged by the Alpha wolf who was insulted by Alcide’s initial rejection of the pack. Alcide now feels it’s his responsibility to set the pack straight and get them out from under Russell’s influence. He is backed up by the sexy she-wolf who hunted down Sam for killing Marcus at the start of the season. Will she be Sookie’s new competition for Alcide’s heart? At Merlotte’s Sookie joins Holly and Arlene in some commiserating about the folly of men. Sook thinks they’re only good for making trouble. She should know. Terry, who along with Patrick escaped the Ifrit (for now, anyway), tells Arlene about his curse by the Iraqi woman he executed and a disbelieving Arlene just tells him to go back on his meds. He insists he needs to leave her in order to keep her and the kids safe.

Jason and Sookie go back to Fairyland.

Jason shares his experience in Fairyland with Sook and she decides they need to go there to retrieve Hunter. When they meet up with Hadley and the male fairy who ran from Jessica at the women’s clothing store, the guy tells Sookie that a vampire had confronted her parents on a bridge and killed them because he was drawn to a bandage in the back seat of their car with the scent of Sookie’s blood. An enraged Sook light-blasts him and gets blasted back by some of the other fairies in a blinding display of ticked-off Tinker Bells! Lafayette visits his mom to check in after she has a seizure and learns that she also saw Jesus’ head. Jesus needs his help, she tells him. The question is where is Jesus and is his uncle involved in the visions Lafayette and Ruby are seeing? At the Authority’s headquarters, Bill and Eric are greeted as returning heroes by the chancellors who are proud of the guys’ ingenuity in apprehending crazy Russell. A buff Roman, his rippling muscles practically bursting out of a skintight polo shirt, is especially proud of the boys and even grants Eric’s request to get some alone time with Norah, who’s getting loonier by the minute with her Lilith worship. Roman gleefully plans for Russell’s execution but Salome acts a bit weird. Later, as the chancellors surround Russell trussed up in a stake harness, Roman’s remote control fails and Russ overpowers him and stakes him as a bloody tear streams down Salome’s cheek. Was she the one who betrayed the Authority? I for one will miss having Roman around. He was a bit talky, but he sure knew how to fill out a polo shirt.

Will Alcide ever make things happen with Sookie?!

July 8 – Sookie and Alcide’s drunken interlude devolves into slapstick when Sook throws up on a shirtless Alcide’s shoes before they can really get down to business. “Alcide, you really know how to treat a lady,” says Eric, who’s dropped by with Bill in the nick of time. Bill and Eric need her help to locate Russell by reading the mind of a guard who saw things go down the night Russ was dug up. Alcide, Bill and Eric argue about how the boys messed up things with King Russ and Sookie can barely take their immature bickering. Nevertheless, she picks up from the guard’s memories that it was a woman wearing a bat-shaped necklace from The Authority who dug up Russell. Bill thinks the culprit is Norah who may have been plotting to turn them over to Russ to win him over to her plot to overthrow The Authority’s plan to mainstream into human society. Eric isn’t convinced. The guys don’t have much time left to argue now that their stake harnesses have been activated to go off at sunrise if they don’t turn up Russell. Luckily for them, Sook’s powers lead them to Russell’s new lair and a poor guy trussed up like a side of beef to be served to the ancient vampire king tells them exactly where they can find Russ. Russell is looking like his old self when the gang arrive at his private quarters and Eric tells him they have come to finish him off. Do your best, Russ spits back. Back at Fangtasia, a glammed-up Tara shows up for her new job as a bartender. Unfortunately, her adjustment to vampire life continues to be bumpy as she attacks one of the patrons and Pam intercedes, slamming her up against the wall and telling her that she can’t feed on humans in public. Jessica notices Tara’s embarrassing dressing down from Pam and offers her friendship, noting they have a kinship as new vamps. Their road to BFFs takes a detour, however, when Jess catches Tara feeding on a willing Hoyt in the Fangtasia bathroom stalls. Classy! Jason and Lafayette are both plagued by disturbing visions. Jason dreams about having breakfast with Sook as a little girl with their parents but the happy memory turns ghastly when Mr. and Mrs. Stackhouse sprout bleeding fang wounds. Jason’s mom acts nonchalant and offers to give him oral sex when she notices he’s upset. Later, Jason and Andy discuss the growing presence of supernaturals in Bon Temps, the fairies they encountered among them, and the rise in violence against them after Sam calls them to investigate the murders of his shifter friends. Jason is determined to learn the truth behind the deaths of his parents. Andy, meanwhile, swears off sexy fairies to hold on to his blossoming relationship with Holly, the Wiccan. Lafayette is truly spooked by his brujo demon’s increasingly dangerous shenanigans. Compared to the long-tongued demon, his possession by Marnie was a cake walk! He turns to Jesus’ religious statues for solace but only hears mockery from them. Later, the disembodied head of Jesus, with a sutured mouth, appears to both Lafayette and his crazy mother (Alfre Woodard). Is Jesus trying to reach them from the other side with a warning?

Is Norah really the one who dug up King Russell?

Terry and Patrick are tied up by their paranoid friend Eller, who tells them a fire monster called The Ifrit is stalking the soldiers who took part in the drug-fueled slaughter of civilian Iraqis during their tour of duty years ago. Eller reminds Terry about a woman who survived the massacre long enough to curse them and their loved ones to death by The Ifrit. Terry remembers seeing the smoke creature rise up out of the flames that consumed the bodies of the victims after the soldiers tried to get rid of the evidence of their war crime. The guys convince Eller to untie them but as Terry and Patrick argue outside over the veracity of the Ifrit legend, the fire demon appears and claims Eller as its latest victim. Boy, these soldiers get dumber by the minute! Back in Bon Temps, Sam tells Luna about their friends’ mysterious murders and tells her to be careful. When he leaves, Sam is shot by a gang of masked hoodlums targeting shifters. Luna comes out to investigate what’s happening and is shot, too! Emma manages to get away by shifting into wolf pup form. Will Sam and Luna survive their wounds? Are the shooters human or supernatural? With all the vampires, werewolves, shifters, fairies, brujo demons and fire monsters hanging around, it’s anyone’s guess!