Archive for September, 2009

 
Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Marital Madness

TV shows have a tradition of featuring weddings as season finales, but what went on at Miss Maryann’s freak fest on True Blood Sunday night was a doozy. Poor Sookie was drafted into service as Maryann’s maid of honor and had to stand by while the maniacal maenad, dressed in Sookie’s grandmother’s wedding gown, plotted to set the stage for Sam’s sacrifice to the god Dionysus. Things were looking pretty bleak when Jason and Andy showed up to save the day, only to be overpowered by Maryann’s zombie rednecks and recruited into her fold. Bill, meanwhile, forced Sam to face the music and brought him to Maryann, who had him strung up for an awaiting Eggs to remove his heart. Bill and Sam, however, had other plans. When an angry Sookie “zapped” Maryann’s meat obelisk, tearing it to the ground, the bride was NOT happy. Sprouting her beastly claws, she took after a terrified Sook, only to come upon a ghostly ox that distracted her from administering a fatal blow to Bill’s special girl. Maryann assumed the horned beast was her bullish bridegroom Dionysus and dangled in rapturous delight from its majestic horn, thinking her release from eternal life was finally at hand. When the ox shifted to its true form Miss Maryann realized she had been duped by Sam, who pulled out her black heart and crushed it, killing her instantly. Serving up some poetic justice, Sam and Bill cleverly used her own mythology against her, finally turning the predator into the prey. 

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

All Choked Up

At Queen Sophie-Ann’s lavish lair, the Yahtzee-loving retro girl lambasted Eric for letting Bill discover that Eric was involved in V juice dealing. When the sexy Viking vamp pointed out that Bill still didn’t know that Queenie was supplying him the juice, she bared her fangs. Threatening to remove his cute canines to make new earrings for herself only seemed to turn him on as he eagerly accepted her teasing nibbles. Eric promised to personally make sure Bill wouldn’t spill the beans on her. Something tells me these two may have an office fling next season, if they aren’t having one already. With Miss Maryann reduced to maenad mud, Queenie is poised to be Bon Temps’ new lethal lady and Sookie will no doubt be her number-one target if Bill and Eric continue to compete for her heart. That’s if Bill is still around. The swoons of millions of True Blood fans were almost audible when he proposed to Sookie, who revealed some deep-set doubts about the practicality of marrying a vampire. Sook excused herself to the ladies’ room to ponder his offer. “What’s there to think about?!!,” wondered millions of female viewers.  She returned only to find that Bill was missing. Who swiped him? Whoever it was had to be strong enough to overpower him with silver chains. Did Eric make good on his promise to Queenie? Did Queenie do it herself? I think not. My theory is that it was that annoying Southern belle who doesn’t know how to take no for an answer: Lorena. Consider that the last time we saw her, aside from Sookie’s hot dream about Eric, was when Bill escorted her out of Godric’s lair before it was attacked by the suicide bomber from the Brotherhood of the Sun. Bill told Lorena he would never see her again and she said she wished he had never said that. Her tone was menacing in a Fatal Attraction “I will not be ignored” sort of way. We already know that as Bill’s maker she’s stronger than he his. Trust me, he’ll wake up next season chained to a bed in her boudoir with her prancing around in a lace teddy and marabou slippers to win him back. Until then, Biting Remarks will be taking a break, unless our True Blood favorites do some fun stuff worth posting about before the new season starts up next year. Be sure to visit me again then and if you’re a Melrose Place fan, check out melroseagain.wordpress.com. I recommend it. Wink.

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Advertisements
Queen Sophie-AnnA Gay Old Time
Is it just us or was Sunday’s episode obsessed with gender bending? First we see Eric wearing Tara’s mom’s dress in Lafayette’s vision, then the cross-dresser who Sookie interrupts while he’s trying on a new outfit at Maryann’s lair. And then there was our first gander at Queen Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) snacking on the thigh of her female human companion, who turns out to be Sookie’s cousin Hadley (clearly this thing for the undead runs in the Stackhouse genes!). A centuries-old vampire who was made in the flower of her youth, Queenie is a retro gal with a penchant for old-school tunes and ‘40s pinup style. Her line delivery, however, came across more like snarky Gossip Girl than world-weary royal. Still, it was good for a laugh and it’s nice to know there’s someone around who’s as cool-as-a-cucumber as Miss Maryann. Much more provocative was Queenie’s anything-goes sexuality.  Bill obliges her when she insists he snack on one of her male pets, but draws the line at having sex with him. A tickled Queenie shares that she likes to watch two men go at it and even suggests Bill and Eric get horizontal to resolve their struggle to be top vampire in Sookie’s heart. Looks like Queenie will be stoking the flames of that fire next season. 
It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

Good Help is Hard to Find

Back in Bon Temps, Miss Maryann is up one and down one when Tara breaks free of Lafayette’s lavender fur handcuffs (with the help of her eternally guilty, God-fearin’, booze-lovin’ mom) and returns to the fold. Maryann goes maenad manic, however, when her moronic minions tell her how they were faked out by new best buds Jason and Andy. Luckily she comes upon a rifle-toting Lafayette trying to rescue Tara again. When Lafayette’s shot ricochets off her palm, killing her long-suffering man servant, she remembers that Lafayette can cook. Unfortunately for the snooping Sookie back at chez Maryann, a newly possessed Lafayette joins Tara and Eggs in cooking up what looks like a giant ostrich egg back at the ranch. Did Maryann lay it?

As the big season finale approaches September 13, we offer some final, random thoughts:

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

It’s great to see Pam back, childless and proud. She kind of looked like Fergie in her scene.

Maryann looks silly in her bridal gown. Did she get it at David’s Bridal?

Looks like Eric and Queenie will have a cozy visit.

Best lines of the night:

“A maenad? In Bon Temps? That’s random.” – Queen Sophie Ann upon learning of Bill’s predicament back home.

 “Sometimes you have to destroy something to save it. That’s in the Bible… or the Constitution.” – Jason, explaining why violent action needs to be taken to deal with the possessed townsfolk.

“And you had to settle for a dead man!” – An enraged Tara, defending her love for Eggs to Sookie when she and Lafayette wouldn’t let her try to rescue him from Maryann.

“That man just liked to dance more than a normal man should.” – Hoyt’s ever hilarious mom, continuing the episode’s gay theme with an insinuation that his dad was a closeted homosexual. BTW, does anyone else think that she looks like the evil twin of Doris Roberts from Everyone Loves Raymond?

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.