Archive for June, 2012

Pam is annoyed by the responsibilites of vampire motherhood.

June 24 – Tara is still on the lam as Lafayette and Sookie try to lure her back home. Tara comes upon a young woman trying to fix a flat tire and pounces on her but stops herself from feeding. As famished as she is, she is still disgusted by what she’s been turned into and cannot bring herself to feed on humans. She shows up at Merlotte’s and binges on True Blood as Sam agrees to keep her hidden in the freezer. Sookie shows up at Fangtasia to enlist Pam’s help in finding Tara but Pam is still waiting on Sookie to deliver on her promise to get Eric back in town. The ladies get into a brief catfight with Pam hurling Sook across the club and the fiery faerie retailiating with a powerful light blast that sends Pam reeling, tool.  When Sook reports for work at Merlotte’s the next day, Sam tries to shield his thoughts from her telepathy but his mind reveals that Tara’s in the freezer — and he’ll never stop thinking about Sookie’s breasts. The Vampire Authority continues its mind games with Bill and Eric as Roman sends his lover, the seductress Salome, to work her wiles on both men to determine whether they’re trustworthy. She assures Roman they’re up to the task of bringing Russell in. The question is whether Salome enjoys the naked interrogation sessions too much. As a precaution, Bill and Eric are outfitted with sexy harnesses with built-in stakes over their hearts that can be activated to end them in a flash should they veer off their mission. The harnesses of death are operated remotely by smartphone app, of course. Roman also gives Steve Newlin Nan Flanagan’s old job, intimidating Steve to ensure he is up for the task of making peace with the human vampire haters. Steve shudders in delight as the powerful Roman grabs his face with his manly hands to make his point. His new job comes with perks!

Will Salome’s attraction to Bill and Eric be her undoing?

Jason has a chance meeting in the supermarket with a former teacher who taught him the ways of the flesh and is moved to revisit their scandalous past with a naked romp on her living room floor. Jason is classy, as always! A mortified Jason realizes that he’s been filling the empty hole in his emotional life by filling the holes of every woman who crosses his path! Jessica, meanwhile, has a close encounter of her own at a dress shop when she’s trying on clothes and gets a whiff of the delicious blood of a young man who arrives to pick up clothes for numerous women. When the guy makes a panicked dash after Jess salivates over his irresistible scent, it’s obvious he must be a male faerie. Jess tracks him down to a field but can’t get him to reveal himself. Later, she drops in on Jason for some sexual healing in her aroused state, but realizes that the studly Stackhouse needs a friend more than a roll in the hay after all. At nightfall, Alcide drops by Merlotte’s to let Sookie know that Debbie’s parents are looking for her. Sook has already been questioned by Andy and is starting to crack under the pressure. When Lafayette tries to feed Tara, the enraged baby vamp gets violent and reveals her new identity to the entire Merlotte’s gang — including Alcide — just to spite Sookie. Arlene can’t believe Lafayette would help turn his own flesh and blood into a vampire. When Lafayette sasses her back his brujo demon — inherited from Jesus — takes over for a split second before he composes himself. After Tara speeds off, Sookie confesses to Alcide that she killed Debbie. Alcide is more devastated by the fact that Sookie lied to him. Will he turn her in? Pam continues to reminisce about the time in 1905 when Eric made her. We learn that Eric first met Bill and his maker Lorena in one of the bedrooms of Pam’s whorehouse where they drained prostitutes. Eric tosses them out and makes them pay restitution to Pam for killing off her working girls. After Pam repays Eric in bed she begs him to make her so she can avoid the bleak life of old, diseased whores. When he refuses, explaining the responsibility a maker has to his progeny, she slashes her wrists, forcing him to save her by giving her the gift of eternal life as a bloodsucker of the night. Not much different from running a whorehouse if you ask me. Reminded of the sacred bond between of every vampire and her maker, will Pam come to Tara’s rescue a second time when she senses that the suicidal baby vamp has tossed herself into a tanning bed?


Pam has a little fun watching an enraged Tara attack Sookie and Lafayette. Although tempted to let Tara have her way with them, Pam commands her to not bite Sookie or Lafayette and orders her to stay in Sookie’s house. It’s anything but a day at the beach when the batty new vamp goes ballistic, tossing things around the house like a kid having a temper tantrum. When Lafayette cuts himself to feed Tara, Sookie overpowers her with a silver chain and the two put her in Eric’s tomb. Sook heads out to a vamp-hater’s store to stock up on items to vampire-proof the house. Later, Sookie intervenes when a remorseful Lafayette tries to stake Tara. Sook convinces him that Tara can get past the initial shock of her transition and live a full, happy life as a vampire. For now, however, Tara decides to the get the f**k out of there and speeds off in a rage! Things ain’t going too well for Bill and Eric, who have been tossed in the clink along with Norah by Salome, a dark-haired Vampire Authority figure who’s not to pleased with Norah’s betrayal. The trio are subjected to painful blasts of a UV radiation lamp to get them to confess to killing Nan Flanagan. Later, Bill and Eric are cross-examined separately about Nan’s murder and their interrogators inject them with liquid silver. So the Vampire Authority enjoys using torture tactics. Big surprise. The episode takes a strong religious undertone as Bill’s tormentor quotes scripture from the Vampire Bible, which puts a sanguine spin on creation theory by adding the mythical bloodsucker Lilith to the arrival of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The vampire’s good book (or would that be bad book?) says humans were created as sustenance for vamps. Bill and Eric admirably stick to their stories despite the agony of the silver. Later, the boys are taken to meet Roman (Chris Meloni of Law & Order: SVU fame), the guardian of the Vampire Authority, who officiates over a vampire communion ceremony that’s sure to tickle folks at the Vatican. Roman, who looks like a studly Wall Street honcho (how appropriate for a bloodsucking creature), is royally ticked off. Nan may have been an annoying pain in the butt but she was an Authority official and killing her was a crime that merits the punishment of the real death. Bill manages to buy time by offering the head of Russell Edgington in return for their lives. A stunned Roman cannot believe the Bon Temps vamps were stupid enough to let Russ live considering how dangerous he was to The Authority, but agrees to spare them… for now at least. In a mysterious cell somewhere, a reptilian-looking Russell is racking up a growing pile of human body parts as he feeds to slowly regain his strength for round two with the gang. The question is who’s doing the food shopping for him?

Will Luna turn to Sam now that Emma has turned wolf?

In other Bon Temps news, Steve Newlin hits the airwaves as a new spokesperson for peaceful vampire-human relations but doesn’t reveal that the relations he really wants to have are of the carnal sort with the studly Jason. He brazenly crashes Jessica’s latest frat party and offers her $10,000 in exchange for young Stackhouse. Jess counters with an asking price of $20,000, teasing him with visions of Jason’s rock-hard butt …. and other parts. When Steve suggests $15,000 she taunts him and the two have a brief cat fight that he loses. Jess tosses Steve out but I’m sure it’s not the last we — or Jason — will see of the Velvet Vampire. Jason continues to try to make amends with Hoyt but only gets gratitude from Mrs. Fortenberry, who’s thrilled that her son is no longer with the redheaded vampire slut. Later, Jason and Andy find Debbie Pelt’s abandoned car and Andy resists the temptation to steal some V juice he finds in it. This development can’t be good for Sookie. Alcide separates himself completely from Marcus’s wolf pack, which by rights now belongs to him. The slap in the face isn’t received too well by the trashy lupines and is sure to haunt the musclebound lone wolf in episodes to come. Marcus’s mother begs Luna to let her have a presence in Emma’s life, but an enraged Luna casts her out and tosses Sam out, too, when he suggests that Luna may need a pack if she turns out to be a werewolf. Luna’s greatest fear comes to pass when Emma has her first transformation into an adorable wolf pup. Terry’s having flashbacks to his tour of duty and Arlene turns to Patrick to find out what’s bothering her man. Patrick and Terry decide it’s time to track down one of their Marine comrades who may have a grudge to settle with them. After finishing up with Tara (for the moment), Pam shows up at Fangtasia and leaves a message on Eric’s cell to remind him that he has a business to run. She’s still bruised by his rejection during the confrontation with the witch coven last season and she wistfully flashes back to 1905 when she was a mortal whorehouse madam who finds one of her working girls drained of blood. Walking in the street late at night in a scene straight out of a Jack the Ripper movie, Pam is rescued from an ill-fated street thug by a dapper Eric, who licks the dead guy’s blood from his manly fingers and speeds off. We’re finally going to see the sardonic Pam’s making story!

Bill, Eric and Nora end up prisoners of The Authority

June 10, 2012 – Truebies everywhere rejoiced as True Bloodfinally returned to tie up last season’s loose ends. Lafayette comes upon Sookie screaming for help as she holds a mortally wounded Tara in her arms. Things look mighty bleak until am shows up looking for Eric and Sookie makes a deal with her to save Tara by turning her into a vamp. Pam demands Sook help her get back into Eric’s good graces and feeds Tara her blood. Lafayette and Sookie then bury her with Tara to complete the transition. As they wait to see if the transformation succeeds, Sook and Lafayette tend to cleaning up their respective messes from last season. She admits to him that she fully wanted Debbie dead when she shot her and they decide not to involve the police. The question is how Alcide will react when he learns his sweet Sookie blew his crazy wolf bitch to smithereens. Lafayette, meanwhile, returns home to find Jesus’s body is missing. Is there hope that the sexy male nurse might return? Bill tells Jessica that he’s going to be out of town for a while as Eric cleans up the mess they made killing Nan and her henchmen at super speed. Bill senses that Sookie is in need and Eric tells him to ignore the urge to run to her but the choice is taken out of their hands when goons from The Vampire Authority capture them in a silver net and lock them in a trunk while transporting them back for judgment. The boys manage to escape the transport and just as the vamp driver confronts them he’s killed by his female companion who turns out to be Eric’s long-lost sister Nora, a British woman who was also turned by Godric. The siblings have a vigorous naked reunion revealing that vampires don’t live by the human moral code against incest. Awkward! Just as Nora delivers Bill and Eric to a secret witness protection program intended to shield them from The Authority retribution, the trio is ambushed by The Authority. Double awkward!

Steve Newlin learns that unrequited love bites.

Back in Bon Temps, Jason has his own awkward encounter with Steve Newlin, the vampirized former leader of the Fellowship of the Sun, who declares his love for Jason dressed in a lavender shirt and sweater. Subtle! Steve gets hissy after Jason tries to let him down easy but Jessica arrives in the nick of time to vanquish her unlikely rival for Jason’s affections. I’m sure, however, that Steve will NOT be ignored! Jason is bummed that Hoyt won’t forgive him for screwing Jess and is more dismayed at her insistence that they keep things casual between them. He picks up a sexy girl at Jessica’s party for some college kids but his horndog urges don’t kick in now that he’s fallen for Jess. Jason’s co-worker Andy Bellefour’s morning after with Holly is disturbed by her sons and the mystery involving Terry’s Marine friend Patrick deepens when he confronts Terry about mysterious fires that have been killing their former comrades-in-arms. Are the fires supernatural in nature? Sam escapes from the wolf pack that surrounds him in the wake of Marcus Bozeman’s death, but he refuses to tell them Alcide is Marcus’s true killer. Fearing for Luna and Emma’s safety, Sam surrenders to the pack and meets Bozeman’s mother. Sam leads the pack to Marcus’s body and they shift into wolf form to devour his corpse as dictated by the werewolf code. Despite Sam’s noble intentions, Alcide confesses that he offed Marcus and things take a tense turn with the pack. Now more than ever, Alicide is a lone wolf. When he warns Sookie that Russell Edgington is loose she is unable to tell him she killed Debbie. Lafayette kicks Alcide out and he and Sookie prepare to learn Tara’s fate. Sookie has a cute flashback to her childhood with a protective Tara but reality is anything but cute when she and Lafayette discover that the transformation worked. Tara is now a vampire and she’s REALLY ticked off at Sookie!

Photo copyright 2012 HBO Productions. All rights reserved.

Hey Truebies! I’m back to blogging on Biting Remarks after a long, cold, boring break between seasons and I’m psyched for fresh, um, Blood! First up is this cool YouTube video posted by HBO showing interviews with the cast of True Blood at the premiere party for the new season. Anna, Stephen, Alex and the gang are all back and looking great promising us a rockin’ ride as Law & Order: Special Victims Unit veteran Christopher Meloni joins the cast as Roman, the sexy new bigwig at The Vampire Authority. Check it out and remember to come back for my weekly recaps!