Posts Tagged ‘maenad’


Can Sookie and Jessica rescue Bill from the werewolves?

Naked Boys on Parade

June 13: Serving up an extra dose of naked, shirtless and randy hunks, True Blood returned for its third season, picking up where it left off last fall. In the wake of Bill’s disappearance, Sookie (Anna Paquin) is having a hell of a time trying to drum up sympathy for her plight from the folks of Bon Temps. The deputy taking her statement thinks Bill (Stephen Moyer) skipped out on her. Sheriff Dearborne (William Sanderson) brushes off her suspicions that Lorena kidnapped Bill and would rather solve missing persons cases involving humans and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) is busy trying to figure out a way to do away with the body of the jerk she accidentally killed in last season’s finale. It turns out that Sook’s lover boy was swiped by a gang of scruffy V-Juice junkies who are draining a shirtless Bill in a scene looking suspiciously like a leatherman orgy, pinched nipples and all. Those True Blood writers do love their gay innuendo, don’t they? Bill manages to escape them by causing them to crash and buries himself to recover from his injuries. A frustrated Sook barges in on a gloriously naked Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) banging his hot new Estonian pole dancer at Fangtasia and, after offering Sookie the alibi that he’d been “indisposed” with the dancer for the past six hours (Energizer Bunny, anyone?), he admits that as sheriff of Louisiana it’s his responsibility to look into Bill’s disappearance even though he “wants what’s his.” Eric’s next visit at the club is from Queen Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) accompanied by the vampire magister (Zeljko Ivanek), who is investigating rumors that vamps are dealing V. Eric and Queenie feign shock and disbelief at the mere thought that their own kind would deal in the stuff and have a nasty hissing contest when the magister leaves. Queenie is broke and needs Eric to move the merchandise faster, even if he has to have a fire sale to do it.


Never call Pam a hooker.

In the Company of Wolves

Eric sends Pam (Kristin Bauer) out to first pay Sookie the ten grand Eric owed her, plus interest (another sign of Eric’s affection, perhaps?), then to apply pressure to Lafayette to unload the V pronto. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) learns two things from the encounter: never call Pam a hooker (she hates being reminded of her past), and don’t take her for a softy just because she wears a lot of pink. Lafayette also has his hands full helping Tara (Rutina Wesley) pick up the pieces after Jason (Ryan Kwanten) killed Eggs. Tara is understandably devastated and livid at everyone within spitting distance of her. She practically rips off Arlene’s head for her insensitive remarks about Eggs murdering all those women and cutting out their hearts under maenad Maryann’s influence. When she finds out that Sook used her telepathic power to help unlock Eggs’ murderous memories, she jumps her. Things are so bad Tara asks for her useless bible-thumping mother Lettie Mae, whom Lafayette will never forgive for shooting at him. After momma Thornton brings a reverend to minister to Tara, she does the obvious thing and tries to swallow every pill in the medicine cabinet just as Lafayette arrives to kick in the bathroom door. Jason is also traumatized from killing Eggs. Even after Andy convinces him that the best way to return things to normal in Bon Temps is to resume his horndog ways, a guilt-ridden –but buff– Jason can’t rise to the occasion when he strips down for a three-way with two vacationing New York girls. In Arkansas, Sam (Sam Trammell) is recovering from his deadly encounter with Maryann by tracking down his white-trash family. He gets his own naked moment when he has an eerily homoerotic dream about Bill showing up at his motel (shirtless, of course) and nearly luring Sam into a manly encounter in the shower just before he wakes up. What could the dream mean? Perhaps there’s a canine – or lupine—connection. Back in Bon Temps, Bill comes upon a little old lady’s home and feeds on her to recover his strength after his draining at the hands of the V junkies. Just as we get over our shock at his attacking a defenseless senior (hooked to an oxygen tank, no less), he glamours her and leaves her some money in thanks. Good thing he fed since he winds up surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves. As Sookie and Jessica discover when they come upon the dead body of one of Bill’s abductors, it turns out that the V junkies are werewolves!

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I feel bad for True Blood’s poor shapeshifter Sam (Sam Trammell). That maniacal maenad Maryann tortured him all season long last year, messing with his mind, body and heart. It’s no suprise that he has some pent-up rage that needs to be released, even after getting the satisfaction of impaling her in his bull form in the season finale. So it is that the latest minisode shows Sookie’s canine sidekick letting loose and throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Maryann’s horned Mardi Gras mask, literally relieving himself in the process. Looks like Sam’s bite is actually worse than his bark.

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Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Marital Madness

TV shows have a tradition of featuring weddings as season finales, but what went on at Miss Maryann’s freak fest on True Blood Sunday night was a doozy. Poor Sookie was drafted into service as Maryann’s maid of honor and had to stand by while the maniacal maenad, dressed in Sookie’s grandmother’s wedding gown, plotted to set the stage for Sam’s sacrifice to the god Dionysus. Things were looking pretty bleak when Jason and Andy showed up to save the day, only to be overpowered by Maryann’s zombie rednecks and recruited into her fold. Bill, meanwhile, forced Sam to face the music and brought him to Maryann, who had him strung up for an awaiting Eggs to remove his heart. Bill and Sam, however, had other plans. When an angry Sookie “zapped” Maryann’s meat obelisk, tearing it to the ground, the bride was NOT happy. Sprouting her beastly claws, she took after a terrified Sook, only to come upon a ghostly ox that distracted her from administering a fatal blow to Bill’s special girl. Maryann assumed the horned beast was her bullish bridegroom Dionysus and dangled in rapturous delight from its majestic horn, thinking her release from eternal life was finally at hand. When the ox shifted to its true form Miss Maryann realized she had been duped by Sam, who pulled out her black heart and crushed it, killing her instantly. Serving up some poetic justice, Sam and Bill cleverly used her own mythology against her, finally turning the predator into the prey. 

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

All Choked Up

At Queen Sophie-Ann’s lavish lair, the Yahtzee-loving retro girl lambasted Eric for letting Bill discover that Eric was involved in V juice dealing. When the sexy Viking vamp pointed out that Bill still didn’t know that Queenie was supplying him the juice, she bared her fangs. Threatening to remove his cute canines to make new earrings for herself only seemed to turn him on as he eagerly accepted her teasing nibbles. Eric promised to personally make sure Bill wouldn’t spill the beans on her. Something tells me these two may have an office fling next season, if they aren’t having one already. With Miss Maryann reduced to maenad mud, Queenie is poised to be Bon Temps’ new lethal lady and Sookie will no doubt be her number-one target if Bill and Eric continue to compete for her heart. That’s if Bill is still around. The swoons of millions of True Blood fans were almost audible when he proposed to Sookie, who revealed some deep-set doubts about the practicality of marrying a vampire. Sook excused herself to the ladies’ room to ponder his offer. “What’s there to think about?!!,” wondered millions of female viewers.  She returned only to find that Bill was missing. Who swiped him? Whoever it was had to be strong enough to overpower him with silver chains. Did Eric make good on his promise to Queenie? Did Queenie do it herself? I think not. My theory is that it was that annoying Southern belle who doesn’t know how to take no for an answer: Lorena. Consider that the last time we saw her, aside from Sookie’s hot dream about Eric, was when Bill escorted her out of Godric’s lair before it was attacked by the suicide bomber from the Brotherhood of the Sun. Bill told Lorena he would never see her again and she said she wished he had never said that. Her tone was menacing in a Fatal Attraction “I will not be ignored” sort of way. We already know that as Bill’s maker she’s stronger than he his. Trust me, he’ll wake up next season chained to a bed in her boudoir with her prancing around in a lace teddy and marabou slippers to win him back. Until then, Biting Remarks will be taking a break, unless our True Blood favorites do some fun stuff worth posting about before the new season starts up next year. Be sure to visit me again then and if you’re a Melrose Place fan, check out I recommend it. Wink.

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Queen Sophie-AnnA Gay Old Time
Is it just us or was Sunday’s episode obsessed with gender bending? First we see Eric wearing Tara’s mom’s dress in Lafayette’s vision, then the cross-dresser who Sookie interrupts while he’s trying on a new outfit at Maryann’s lair. And then there was our first gander at Queen Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) snacking on the thigh of her female human companion, who turns out to be Sookie’s cousin Hadley (clearly this thing for the undead runs in the Stackhouse genes!). A centuries-old vampire who was made in the flower of her youth, Queenie is a retro gal with a penchant for old-school tunes and ‘40s pinup style. Her line delivery, however, came across more like snarky Gossip Girl than world-weary royal. Still, it was good for a laugh and it’s nice to know there’s someone around who’s as cool-as-a-cucumber as Miss Maryann. Much more provocative was Queenie’s anything-goes sexuality.  Bill obliges her when she insists he snack on one of her male pets, but draws the line at having sex with him. A tickled Queenie shares that she likes to watch two men go at it and even suggests Bill and Eric get horizontal to resolve their struggle to be top vampire in Sookie’s heart. Looks like Queenie will be stoking the flames of that fire next season. 
It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

Good Help is Hard to Find

Back in Bon Temps, Miss Maryann is up one and down one when Tara breaks free of Lafayette’s lavender fur handcuffs (with the help of her eternally guilty, God-fearin’, booze-lovin’ mom) and returns to the fold. Maryann goes maenad manic, however, when her moronic minions tell her how they were faked out by new best buds Jason and Andy. Luckily she comes upon a rifle-toting Lafayette trying to rescue Tara again. When Lafayette’s shot ricochets off her palm, killing her long-suffering man servant, she remembers that Lafayette can cook. Unfortunately for the snooping Sookie back at chez Maryann, a newly possessed Lafayette joins Tara and Eggs in cooking up what looks like a giant ostrich egg back at the ranch. Did Maryann lay it?

As the big season finale approaches September 13, we offer some final, random thoughts:

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

It’s great to see Pam back, childless and proud. She kind of looked like Fergie in her scene.

Maryann looks silly in her bridal gown. Did she get it at David’s Bridal?

Looks like Eric and Queenie will have a cozy visit.

Best lines of the night:

“A maenad? In Bon Temps? That’s random.” – Queen Sophie Ann upon learning of Bill’s predicament back home.

 “Sometimes you have to destroy something to save it. That’s in the Bible… or the Constitution.” – Jason, explaining why violent action needs to be taken to deal with the possessed townsfolk.

“And you had to settle for a dead man!” – An enraged Tara, defending her love for Eggs to Sookie when she and Lafayette wouldn’t let her try to rescue him from Maryann.

“That man just liked to dance more than a normal man should.” – Hoyt’s ever hilarious mom, continuing the episode’s gay theme with an insinuation that his dad was a closeted homosexual. BTW, does anyone else think that she looks like the evil twin of Doris Roberts from Everyone Loves Raymond?

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

August 23: Wall to wall action! 

Bill & SookieThe Exorcists

Despite having another sexy dream about Eric in his vulnerable state of mourning Godric’s passing, Sookie demonstrated what a great team she and Bill make when they arrived in Bon Temps to discover the town in a state of chaos. Finding her home transformed into an eerie, candle-lit garden of evil, Sookie and Bill confronted Miss Maryann and we discovered that although she’s superstrong like the vamps, and her blood is noxious to Bill, she is vulnerable to an agitated Sookie’s touch, which created a blinding glow when it met the maenad’s fiendish flesh. “What are you?,” wondered a fascinated Maryann, echoing Lorena’s question when she bit the nerdy, telepathic bellhop in Dallas. Could the glow mean that Sookie and the bellhop are Earth-bound angels? Will they figure in Maryann’s defeat? Stay tuned. Fleeing chez Maryann, our dynamic duo tackled the task of freeing Tara from her possession. Sookie and Bill again proved a formidable duo when they combined their powers to liberate Tara from Maryann’s spell.

Friend or foe? Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Ann

Friend or foe? Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Ann

Bill promptly left town to recruit the help of a royal vampire who just might have the solution to Bon Temp’s maenad problem. Evan Rachel Wood, the beautiful actress who is dating shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, has been cast as Sophie-Ann, the Queen of the Vampires. Will she be good or a total bitch? Will “True Blood” be swapping one villainess for another? 

Mob Mentality

Maybe we’re crazy, but detective Andy is really starting to grow on us. We love how he’s protecting the adorable Sam, even if he is “an occasional nudist.” After the two were lured to Merlotte’s by a possessed Arlene’s fake distress call, they managed to get themselves locked in the freezer. Luckily, Jason shows up in  a Rambo-meets-the-Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre get up (which nicely showcased his toned biceps, by the way), wielding a chainsaw and a B-movie attitude.

Jason always ends up shirtless. Go figure.

Jason always ends up shirtless. Go figure.

 When Sam surrendered himself to Maryann’s minions, Jason and Andy proved they’re not as stupid as they look by faking the arrival of the “horned god” everyone’s been awaiting. Andy has a second career waiting for him as a special effects guy and Jason, well he looked mighty toned in his shirtless getup as Miss Maryann’s faux demon god. Sam’s shift into fly mode was a stroke of genius and the dumb denizens of Bon Temps bought it hook, line and sinker.

 Best lines of the night:

 “You dirty little monkey,” – Hoyt’s possessed mom, putting the moves on a grossed-out Jason at Bill’s house.

 “At least shoot the cheap liquor. Bottom shelf! Bottom shelf!” – a possessed, but cost-conscious, Arlene to her gun-toting lover man Terry as they struggled to subdue Sam and Andy at Merlotte’s.

 “There’s a new waitress at Merlotte’s?” – a hopeful Jason, anticipating a new conquest before learning of Daphne’s untimely demise.

 “Jesus and I agreed to see other people. That don’t mean we don’t talk from time to time,” – Lafayette to his stunned aunt after completing her prayer to release Tara from her possession.

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.


The Party’s Over

Maryann the maenad is royally ticked off. She thought it would be relatively easy to waltz into the Bon Temps jailhouse and “free” Sam from his imprisonment. Lucky thing he was inspired to “fly” the coop through an air vent and promptly showed up at the front door of boozy detective Andy, who didn’t even flinch at the sight of a naked Sam. An enraged Miss Maryann freed the Bon Temps jailbirds, who had been in her recent orgy, in “black-eyed” mode and commanded them to hunt for Sam, who better have a good plan to avoid the sacrificial altar she’s prepared for him. Next week’s previews suggest that the stage has been set for a battle royal between Miss Maryann and the good people of Bon Temps (what’s left of them, anyway) and our valiant vampires.



Eric in his tank

Eric’s Treasure Chest

In the aftermath of the suicide bombing at Godric’s lair, Sookie found herself lying underneath Eric (where he’s wanted her to be for a while now). After Eric covered her body from the blast with his well-muscled Viking bod, Sookie had no choice but to suck the bloody silver shards out of his manly neck and chest. Pretending to be on his death bed to fool Sookie into drinking his blood, Eric proved he’s still a manipulative, selfish, horny vamp (the way we love him). Now Sookie is a part of him forever, an understandably disgruntled Bill pronounced. Yuck, says Sookie. Yum, thinks Eric, who later appears in an erotic dream she has, triggered by her blood bond with him. Eric and Sook looked mighty nice in a soft glow, lying side by side in bed in delicious discovery of each other. “Bill who?,” she thought, egged on by that killjoy Lorena (will she NEVER leave?).

Goodbye, Godric

The farewell between Godric and Eric before Godric ends his life by stepping into daylight was heartbreaking with some damn fine acting by Alexander Skarsgard. This actor has many delightful layers that we are eagerly waiting to see revealed in future episodes. Sookie, looking fetching in her checkered dress, stood by Godric as he joyfully ended his eternal life, giving him the human companionship he so craved. We’re bummed to see him go. He’s super cute and interesting. Might he rise again, like a phoenix? Hmmm.

Best lines of the night:

“I can’t breathe. You weigh a ton.” – Sookie, pushing Eric’s hunky body off her like debris after he saved her life in the explosion.

“I simply object to a girlfriend who will kill you and eat you. I think that’s reasonable.” – Hoyt’s prejudiced mom, defending her objections to his dating Jessica.

“You’re a soulless bitch.” – Lafayette, telling it like it is to Miss Maryann before beating the crap out of Eggs and hauling a screaming Tara out of Maryann’s clutches, for now, anyway.

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Maryann: a gal in serious need of a manicure.

Maryann: a gal in serious need of a manicure.

Hi all! I’m a “True Blood” fan who is a tad late to the whole blogging thing, but I’m here nevertheless (and happily so). My first post about this amazing, kick-ass show that never fails to make me say — nay, scream — OMG! begs the question: What is Maryann really up to? OK, so we now know that she’s a maenad, a mythological creature who is some sort of high priestess who worships the Greek god Dionysus. This Dionysus dude is the god of wine and according to Wikipedia (one of my favorite things in this world, so handy), he inspires madness and ecstasy. This explains all the horny goings-on among the clueless town folk of Bon Temps around the campfire when Miss Maryann tried to literally get her claws back into poor Sam. The “True Blood” producers — whom I love dearly for putting passion back into TV, believe me — have distracted us with all that neo-Nazi Brotherhood of the Sun stuff in Dallas, but I still think next month’s season finale will center on Maryann’s true reason for being in town. I have a sneaking suspicion that her hunky minion Eggs has implanted some sort of demon spawn inside poor Tara’s incubator. Ever since Maryann came to town, literally running Tara off the road with her little piggy Daphne (so glad to see her go), she’s been hellbent on Tara and Eggs doing the nasty. And did they ever! As their sinewy bodies coupled, their lascivious faces all spooky with black-eyed abandon, Maryann vibrated faster than a popular girl’s cellphone set to the silent mode. Feeding Daphne’s shapeshifting heart to the unsuspecting Tara and Eggs struck us as if she were adding a final ingredient to a mighty potent recipe. I think it’s gonna be a recipe for disaster. Rosemary’s Baby, anyone?

Here, Miss Maryann confronts her favorite wayward pet Sam. Funny how nobody questioned her unique hairstyling preferences.

Photo and YouTube footage copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.