Posts Tagged ‘Queen-Sophie-Ann’

Is this the end of Queen Sophie-Anne?

Riveting Revelations

September 12: Eric and King Russell are smokin’ like two strips of bacon on a frying pan outside Fangtasia when Eric’s maker Godric appears urging him to forgive Russ and set him free. Eric ponders his predicament for a second or two before Sookie rescues him, using her fairy blast to free him from the handcuffs he had slapped on himself and Russ. Sook then revives Eric by letting him feed on her blood while Bill sulks. Although Pam and Sookie balk at the idea, Eric decides they should spare King Russell’s life and Sook drags him inside and subdues the charred vampire monarch with heavy silver chains. What will they do with him now? Tara and Sam are basking in the afterglow of their tryst when you can practically hear the screeching tires after Sam confides that he’s a shapeshifter. Tara can’t seem to avoid dealing with supernatural beings any where she turns. She walks in on her annoying mom getting frisky with the pastor who had previously tried to minister to her. Although initially shocked at her mom’s indiscretion, Tara nevertheless wishes her well, wistfully hoping she, too, can find someone who is human and can actually touch a cross for a change. Sam tracks down Tommy and demands he return the Merlotte’s loot. When Tommy turns to walk away, Sam shoots him! Like his cousin Tara, Lafayette is making some uncomfortable discoveries now that he can see visions of the secrets haunting the residents of Bon Temps. Spooked by his new talent, he turns to Jesus, who confesses that he himself is a brujo, a male practitioner of witchcraft. As they say, birds of a feather!  Hoyt’s mom Mrs. Fortenberry stages an intervention to separate him from Jessica once and for all. The gamble fails and Hoyt buys a house to shack up with Jess. Mrs. Fortenberry’s response is to buy a rifle. Might it have silver bullets? 

Can Sookie really be happy in Fairyland without Bill or Eric?

Cementing King Russell’s Fate

Jason hightails it over to Hotshot to warn its residents of the DEA’s impending raid. Crystal’s ornery dad is no help, as usual, but gets the tables turned on him when Crystal’s V-addicted ex shows up in a craze and shoots his face off. When he demands Crystal leave with him, she agrees, asking Jason to take responsibility for looking after the panther people. Jason vows to get her back. At Fangtasia, things are jumping. Alcide visits Sookie and tells her he’s been thinking about her. Sook, who’s just about had it with the chaos that comes with dating vampires, may just be receptive to his overtures. Bill senses that he has a new rival for Sookie’s affections. The first order of business for the team, however, is figuring out how to imprison King Russell without ending him. Sook has no sympathy for him and responds to his attempts to manipulate her by trashing Talbot’s remains in Fangtasia’s garbage dispenser while Russ screams in agony. His Royal Toupee has worse problems when Eric and Bill dump him in a remote construction site and immobilize him with silver while burying him undead in cement. Ever the drama queen, Russell vows to get even with them all when he returns… glug, glug, glug. With Russ swimming in concrete, Bill ambushes Eric and pushes him into a slot right next to the King, telling Eric that he can never have Sookie. He then orders a hit on Pam. Bill intends  to eliminate anyone who learned that Sookie is a fairy to keep her secret from spreading, but Eric escapes Bill’s trap and tells Sook how Bill manipulated their romance from the start at the instructions of Queen Sophie-Anne, who wants to taste her coveted fairy blood. A fed-up Sookie rescinds her invitations to both vampires and orders them out of her life. Eric seems genuine when he apologizes to Sook for tattling on Bill. Bill, still intent on protecting Sookie, lures the newly widowed (and loving it) Queen Sophie-Anne to his house for a death match. Later, a lonely Sook visits her grandma’s grave and is approached by her fairy friend Claudine. After all the drama and danger that accompanied her romance with Bill, Claudine’s outstretched hand is a welcome sight that’s too good to resist.  In a blinding flash, Sookie and the fairies disappear. Will Bill and Eric ever see her again? Tune in next summer. The Biting Remarks blog is taking a break until then. Have a great fall!

 Photos copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.


Will Sookie miss Alcide's bodily warmth?

Visions of the Past

August 8: Sookie and Bill realize their relationship is doomed and break up at the hospital. When Bill returns home, Jessica is happy to see him and won’t let him set her free, begging him to not leave her alone. Bill teaches his vampire offspring to move at superspeed in preparation for King Russell’s anticipated return to retrieve Sookie, but he won’t reconsider their break up despite Jess’s urging. A vengeful Debbie and her wolf cronies burn down Alcide’s sister’s beauty salon, so Alcide has to return to Jackson. Hesitant to leave Sookie unprotected, he nevertheless has a very warm farewell scene with her. Luckily we fans know that Joe Manganiello has been upgraded to series regular next season. Things are hopping over at Merlotte’s where Arlene, who’s having visions of her murderous ex Rene, hires a new waitress named Holly – who suspiciously knows that Arlene’s with child – and promptly warns Sam not to sleep with her. Sam is too preoccupied with looking after Tommy, who is in Bon Temps to stay now that Mama and Daddy Pickens have left. Tommy’s dogfighting instincts are still kicking in whenever Hoyt shows up and both he and Sam sniff some animal scent on Crystal’s dad and ex-fiance when they show up looking for her. Crystal’s too busy seeking solace from Jason, who confronts her dad with a shotgun and a warning to stay out of her life. Dad’s not planning on accommodating Jason’s request anytime soon. Tara is tormented by visions of Franklin. Lafayette is visited by his mom, who escaped from the old folks’ home, and Jesus, who shows up to reclaim her. When Lafayette explains to Jesus that quitting V pushing isn’t easy, Jesus just pulls him in for a kiss… and more.

Eric Gives it to Talbot

Speaking of man love, Talbot is having a hissy fit over the fact that Queen Sophie-Ann is moving in to his increasingly crowded mansion. Maybe she can have Lorena’s old room? To placate Talbot while King Russell travels to Bon Temps to recapture Sookie, Eric agrees to stay behind and keep him company. I wonder how they’ll kill the time? Eric knows what he’d like to kill. Sookie gets a warning from cousin Hadley – sent by Eric — that Russell is on his way. When His Royal Toupee arrives with Debbie and a pair of werewolves, Sookie’s home becomes a battleground. Sookie and Deb finally go mano a mano in Sook’s bedroom while Bill and Jessica show up to protect her from the wolves downstairs. When one of the werewolves leads Jess out of Sook’s house, Russell grabs her and offers her life to Bill in exchange for Sook. Bill goads Russ into hand-to-hand combat, but he’s again no match for the much older vampire king. Just as Russell prepares to finish Bill, he’s pulled away by the sudden destruction of Talbot, who was staked by Eric just as their naked encounter was getting interesting back at the mansion. Sookie’s knockdown brawl with Debbie ends when Sook lets the skanky she-wolf leave.  All the fighting leaves everyone in a frenzy. Jessica drains the wolf that dared hunt her down while Bill and Sookie have a heated reunion and go at it like monkeys on a honeymoon.

 Photo: Copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Can Sookie forgive Bill for nearly killing her?

Bye Bye, Bad Guys

August 1: This episode is clearly a game changer for True Blood as a number of villainous characters meet abrupt ends and we delve deeper into the mystery of what Sookie truly is. Although it looked like Lorena’s attack on Sook was what sends her to the hospital in grave condition in last week’s episode previews, we quickly learn that Sookie actually turns the tables on the tiresome cow with Bill’s help, staking her into a pool of blood after Lorena is momentarily distracted by the delicious taste of Sookie’s blood. Tara and Alcide, who unfortunately found some clothes to put on, arrive as Sookie tends to her nearly dead man (or is that nearly un-undead?). Their escape is interrupted by a gun-toting, V-crazed Debbie, who has no intention of letting them take Bill – and his blood — anywhere. Alcide tries to reason with her and Tara jumps her, taking away her gun. When Coot arrives, Alcide shoots him dead, leaving a vengeful Debbie locked with her dead lover’s body. At least she has Lorena’s blood to keep her from going hungry. Making their escape in Alcide’s truck, Tara and Alcide let Sookie stay in the back with a dying Bill. To keep Bill alive, Sook gives him some of her blood, but his natural instincts kick in and, starved for blood, he grabs her and begins to drain her. When Tara discovers that a revived Bill’s left Sookie near dead, she literally kicks him out of the truck into the sunlight, but he doesn’t fry as she had hoped. At a hospital, the doctor tells Tara Sookie’s prospects are not good and that she has no blood type. Jason tries to find out more information about Crystal from her cousin in jail, but the slime won’t share any details until Jason can score him some meth.

Fairy Tale

Naturally, Jason turns to Lafayette, who is insulted by the prospect of being considered a meth dealer. The two join Tara and Alcide at Sook’s bedside while an unconscious Sookie makes an out-of-body visit to a gardenlike world inhabited by beautiful dancing people who drink glowing water coming from what seems to be a mystical pond serving as a portal to another universe. When Bill arrives at the hospital, the fantasy world goes dark and Sookie’s new friend warns her not to let the “dark one” take her light. Could the online rumors I’ve seen be true? Is Sookie some sort of fairy? Eric knows the answer to that question now that he drained the secret out of Sook’s cousin Hadley at Queen Sophie-Anne’s home. Later at Fangtasia, he arrives just in time to stop the Magister from further torturing Pam with a new set of silver earrings he picked up at Tiffany’s. King Russell, unintimidated by the Magister’s threats of reprisal from The Vampire Authority, forces him to perform the marriage of His Royal Toupee to Queenie and then beheads him. In the world of shifters, Sam infiltrates the dogfighting ring in the form of a pitbull and sets the captive pooches free to interrupt Tommy’s latest fight. Disgusted by the Mickens’ abuse of the boy, Sam convinces his baby brother to leave them, but Daddy Mickens ain’t so sure Tommy’s fighting days are over just yet. Back at the hospital, Tara and Jason grudgingly allow Bill to save Sook’s life by giving her his blood. When he lovingly greets her after she regains consciousness, Sookie screams her head off. She does that a lot, doesn’t she?

Photo: copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Will Talbot be able to clean up the bloodstains on the carpet of his royal mansion?

The Big Gusher

July 25: Is it my imagination or was this the bloodiest episode of True Blood yet? No matter where you looked there seemed to be overflowing blood. There was action aplenty, too. Bill springs into action at King Russell’s mansion, staking the vampire bodyguard and trying to get the jump on Russ. Unfortunately, Sookie’s man is no physical match for the 3,000-year-old vampire monarch, who swats him away like a fly. Talbot gets majorly bitchy about how the fighting is making a royal mess of his beautiful home. His Royal Toupee orders Lorena to kill Bill and tends to his consort’s ruffled feathers. Later, he questions Sookie about her unique abilities. On the way to Louisiana to visit Queen Sophie-Ann, Russell confides in Eric his desire to unite all the supernatural beings in a war against humans. Eric humors the King, biding his time until the opportunity to strike presents itself. Queenie is understandably miffed when Russ and Eric show up and inform her that her guards are dead and that her human companion – Sookie’s cousin — is held captive. Her skin crawls at the mere thought of marrying His Royal Toupee, regardless of how much debt she’s in, but an angry Eric, no longer respectful of her upon learning she set him up about the V dealing, overpowers her and forces her to reconsider. Will the blushing bride wear black to the ceremony? 

Tara Fights Back

In Bon Temps, Jason and Crystal are making out by the lake when she smells something (or someone) in the air and bids a hasty retreat. When he tracks her down to a shabby house, he’s greeted by a grimy, shirtless hunk whom she claims is her fiancée. Crystal denies ever meeting Jason, who is clueless, as usual. Lafayette has similar luck with Jesus, when, after some sexy double entendres over pool and kissing in his car, they go back to his house. Their romantic clinch is suddenly interrupted by the racist V junkies who keep stalking him. The bat-wielding hicks bash his new car but, with Jesus’ help, Lafayette chases them off. Learning that Lafayette deals V is a deal breaker for Jesus, however. Sam figures out that the Mickens are forcing Tommy to compete in illegal dogfights in his pit-bull form and races to stop them. Jessica, meanwhile, shows that she’s learning to feed on humans without killing them by taking a bite out of an annoying woman who mistreats Arlene at Merlotte’s.  Back in Jackson, Lorena and Bill are bound together in a sadistic scene of mind games as she carries out King Russell’s orders by slowly bleeding him out with surgical knives. She can’t resist the chance to mix her blood with his even though he berates her for her psychotic ways and begs her to kill him quickly. Lorena instead lets V-starved Coot and Debbie gorge on Bill’s blood. Also getting a taste of vamp blood is Tara, who seduces Franklin into untying her and letting her bite him without the benefit of vampire fangs. It is not a pretty sight. The next morning, Tara bashes his head in and helps Sookie escape. Sprinting out into the mansion’s beautiful grounds like an Olympian, Tara runs into a majestic white wolf, who luckily is a majestically naked Alcide coming to the rescue. Sookie gets a less hospitable greeting when she tries to free Bill from his blood-soaked shackles. “This is all your fault,” spits a livid Lorena as she sinks her fangs into her rival’s pretty neck.

 Photo: Copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.


Is the Vampire King of Mississippi wearing a toupee?

New Folks in Town

June 20: It seemed like everyone was meeting newcomers with secret agendas in this episode while a few faces from the past made surprising appearances. Bill (Stephen Moyer) proves more than a match for the wolf pack, leaving nearly all of them dead and naked before the Vampire King of Mississippi Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) shows up on horseback to reign in his lupine henchmen, just in time to save the very buff hide of lead wolf Coot (Grant Bowler of Ugly Betty). The King takes Bill back to his lavish mansion where he and his flamboyant husband Talbot (Theo Alexander) explain to Bill at dinner that he was kidnapped so that the King could offer him a job as sheriff of Mississippi. His Royal Toupee also wants Bill’s assistance in forcing Queen Sophie-Anne to marry him to unite their two vampire kingdoms. Bill refuses, telling the King that he doesn’t know Queenie’s dirty little secrets. Things get heated and fangs are bared when the King hints at hurting Sookie. They deteriorate further when that annoying Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) shows up in time for dessert. Bill welcomes his maker-tormentor by throwing an oil lamp at her, instantly setting her on fire. Cherries jubilee, anyone?

Back in Bon Temps, Sookie (Anna Paquin) tries to distract herself while waiting for word on Bill’s whereabouts. Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), who is in no rush to get Bill back in Sook’s life, clams up about the Nazi werewolf cult when Sook and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) show up at Fangtasia with the news of their discovery at the crash site, but has a bloody flashback to his werewolf-hunting days with his maker Godric (Allan Hyde) in the 1940s. Clearly there’s more to these wolves than meets the eye.  While Eric and Sookie talk, Jessica takes advantage of some girl time in the ladies room with Pam (Kristin Bauer) to grill her elder vamp on how to avoid killing humans when feeding on them and, hypothetically speaking of course, how one would go about disposing of a dead body. After tearfully rejecting Hoyt’s latest attempt at reconciliation, Jess manages to share her crypt with the rotting corpse of her victim by spraying it liberally with Lysol. Later, she rents a chainsaw to chop it up, but discovers that it’s gone! Is there a new vampire in town? 

Now that Eric has convinced Sookie to invite him into her home, will he take advantage?

Family Issues

Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) saves Tara (Rutina Wesley) yet again and takes her to a long-term care facility for mental patients to meet his rambling mom Ruby (Alfre Woodard). The meeting has the desired effect and Tara promises to make an effort to get her act together and try to overcome the endless string of disasters that befall her. Lafayette and Ruby’s caretaker, a handsome orderly named Jesus (Kevin Alejandro), take note of each other. Something tells me Lafayette will be visiting his mamma more frequently in the near future. It doesn’t take Tara long to find new trouble at Merlotte’s. Hanging out on her day off so she doesn’t get tempted to kill herself again, she meets a mysterious stranger (are there any other kind?) who orders a bottle of Tru Blood and quizzes her about Bill. Unbeknownst to her, the cowboy-booted dude was rifling through some old photos and documents tracing Sookie’s family history. In another twist, he turns out to be a vampire who comes to Tara’s aid against two racist drunks outside Merlotte’s. Is he befriending Tara to get closer to Sookie? And if so, could he be working for someone who has a grudge against Sook?  Jason (Ryan Kwanten), accompanying Andy on a drug bust, also meets a stranger, a beautiful young woman who disappears into the woods when he turns to help his cop friend collar a drug dealer. Is Sookie’s brother about to get involved with a she-wolf?  In Arkansas, Sam (Sam Trammell) finally meets his family, the Pickens (at rifle-point), and may regret ever having tracked them down. It turns out mom and baby brother Tommy are both shifters while dad is just plain shifty. Taking a dog run with his sibling as a first attempt at bonding, Sam, in collie form, is nearly run over by a truck and he suspects his bitter little bro may have set him up. Tommy bears some serious scars that he attributes to fighting, but it seems his emotional scars may run far deeper. Back in Bon Temps, Terry (Todd Lowe) tries to convince a pregnant Arlene (Carrie Preston) of his fitness to be a caregiver for her kids even though she’s distracted by morning sickness. Ever the nice guy, Terry also gives Sookie a gun for protection. Sook handles the firearm like a pro, which comes in handy when a protective Eric shows up at her home and convinces her to invite him in. The two come upon a werewolf waiting in the dark for Sookie. As the snarling animal pounces, Eric springs into action and Sookie shoots her gun. Stay tuned, Truebies!

Photos copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.


Can Sookie and Jessica rescue Bill from the werewolves?

Naked Boys on Parade

June 13: Serving up an extra dose of naked, shirtless and randy hunks, True Blood returned for its third season, picking up where it left off last fall. In the wake of Bill’s disappearance, Sookie (Anna Paquin) is having a hell of a time trying to drum up sympathy for her plight from the folks of Bon Temps. The deputy taking her statement thinks Bill (Stephen Moyer) skipped out on her. Sheriff Dearborne (William Sanderson) brushes off her suspicions that Lorena kidnapped Bill and would rather solve missing persons cases involving humans and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) is busy trying to figure out a way to do away with the body of the jerk she accidentally killed in last season’s finale. It turns out that Sook’s lover boy was swiped by a gang of scruffy V-Juice junkies who are draining a shirtless Bill in a scene looking suspiciously like a leatherman orgy, pinched nipples and all. Those True Blood writers do love their gay innuendo, don’t they? Bill manages to escape them by causing them to crash and buries himself to recover from his injuries. A frustrated Sook barges in on a gloriously naked Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) banging his hot new Estonian pole dancer at Fangtasia and, after offering Sookie the alibi that he’d been “indisposed” with the dancer for the past six hours (Energizer Bunny, anyone?), he admits that as sheriff of Louisiana it’s his responsibility to look into Bill’s disappearance even though he “wants what’s his.” Eric’s next visit at the club is from Queen Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) accompanied by the vampire magister (Zeljko Ivanek), who is investigating rumors that vamps are dealing V. Eric and Queenie feign shock and disbelief at the mere thought that their own kind would deal in the stuff and have a nasty hissing contest when the magister leaves. Queenie is broke and needs Eric to move the merchandise faster, even if he has to have a fire sale to do it.


Never call Pam a hooker.

In the Company of Wolves

Eric sends Pam (Kristin Bauer) out to first pay Sookie the ten grand Eric owed her, plus interest (another sign of Eric’s affection, perhaps?), then to apply pressure to Lafayette to unload the V pronto. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) learns two things from the encounter: never call Pam a hooker (she hates being reminded of her past), and don’t take her for a softy just because she wears a lot of pink. Lafayette also has his hands full helping Tara (Rutina Wesley) pick up the pieces after Jason (Ryan Kwanten) killed Eggs. Tara is understandably devastated and livid at everyone within spitting distance of her. She practically rips off Arlene’s head for her insensitive remarks about Eggs murdering all those women and cutting out their hearts under maenad Maryann’s influence. When she finds out that Sook used her telepathic power to help unlock Eggs’ murderous memories, she jumps her. Things are so bad Tara asks for her useless bible-thumping mother Lettie Mae, whom Lafayette will never forgive for shooting at him. After momma Thornton brings a reverend to minister to Tara, she does the obvious thing and tries to swallow every pill in the medicine cabinet just as Lafayette arrives to kick in the bathroom door. Jason is also traumatized from killing Eggs. Even after Andy convinces him that the best way to return things to normal in Bon Temps is to resume his horndog ways, a guilt-ridden –but buff– Jason can’t rise to the occasion when he strips down for a three-way with two vacationing New York girls. In Arkansas, Sam (Sam Trammell) is recovering from his deadly encounter with Maryann by tracking down his white-trash family. He gets his own naked moment when he has an eerily homoerotic dream about Bill showing up at his motel (shirtless, of course) and nearly luring Sam into a manly encounter in the shower just before he wakes up. What could the dream mean? Perhaps there’s a canine – or lupine—connection. Back in Bon Temps, Bill comes upon a little old lady’s home and feeds on her to recover his strength after his draining at the hands of the V junkies. Just as we get over our shock at his attacking a defenseless senior (hooked to an oxygen tank, no less), he glamours her and leaves her some money in thanks. Good thing he fed since he winds up surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves. As Sookie and Jessica discover when they come upon the dead body of one of Bill’s abductors, it turns out that the V junkies are werewolves!

Photos copyright 2010 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Maryann finally had her heart broken, literally.

Marital Madness

TV shows have a tradition of featuring weddings as season finales, but what went on at Miss Maryann’s freak fest on True Blood Sunday night was a doozy. Poor Sookie was drafted into service as Maryann’s maid of honor and had to stand by while the maniacal maenad, dressed in Sookie’s grandmother’s wedding gown, plotted to set the stage for Sam’s sacrifice to the god Dionysus. Things were looking pretty bleak when Jason and Andy showed up to save the day, only to be overpowered by Maryann’s zombie rednecks and recruited into her fold. Bill, meanwhile, forced Sam to face the music and brought him to Maryann, who had him strung up for an awaiting Eggs to remove his heart. Bill and Sam, however, had other plans. When an angry Sookie “zapped” Maryann’s meat obelisk, tearing it to the ground, the bride was NOT happy. Sprouting her beastly claws, she took after a terrified Sook, only to come upon a ghostly ox that distracted her from administering a fatal blow to Bill’s special girl. Maryann assumed the horned beast was her bullish bridegroom Dionysus and dangled in rapturous delight from its majestic horn, thinking her release from eternal life was finally at hand. When the ox shifted to its true form Miss Maryann realized she had been duped by Sam, who pulled out her black heart and crushed it, killing her instantly. Serving up some poetic justice, Sam and Bill cleverly used her own mythology against her, finally turning the predator into the prey. 

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

Does Lorena still have a hold on Bill?

All Choked Up

At Queen Sophie-Ann’s lavish lair, the Yahtzee-loving retro girl lambasted Eric for letting Bill discover that Eric was involved in V juice dealing. When the sexy Viking vamp pointed out that Bill still didn’t know that Queenie was supplying him the juice, she bared her fangs. Threatening to remove his cute canines to make new earrings for herself only seemed to turn him on as he eagerly accepted her teasing nibbles. Eric promised to personally make sure Bill wouldn’t spill the beans on her. Something tells me these two may have an office fling next season, if they aren’t having one already. With Miss Maryann reduced to maenad mud, Queenie is poised to be Bon Temps’ new lethal lady and Sookie will no doubt be her number-one target if Bill and Eric continue to compete for her heart. That’s if Bill is still around. The swoons of millions of True Blood fans were almost audible when he proposed to Sookie, who revealed some deep-set doubts about the practicality of marrying a vampire. Sook excused herself to the ladies’ room to ponder his offer. “What’s there to think about?!!,” wondered millions of female viewers.  She returned only to find that Bill was missing. Who swiped him? Whoever it was had to be strong enough to overpower him with silver chains. Did Eric make good on his promise to Queenie? Did Queenie do it herself? I think not. My theory is that it was that annoying Southern belle who doesn’t know how to take no for an answer: Lorena. Consider that the last time we saw her, aside from Sookie’s hot dream about Eric, was when Bill escorted her out of Godric’s lair before it was attacked by the suicide bomber from the Brotherhood of the Sun. Bill told Lorena he would never see her again and she said she wished he had never said that. Her tone was menacing in a Fatal Attraction “I will not be ignored” sort of way. We already know that as Bill’s maker she’s stronger than he his. Trust me, he’ll wake up next season chained to a bed in her boudoir with her prancing around in a lace teddy and marabou slippers to win him back. Until then, Biting Remarks will be taking a break, unless our True Blood favorites do some fun stuff worth posting about before the new season starts up next year. Be sure to visit me again then and if you’re a Melrose Place fan, check out I recommend it. Wink.

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

Queen Sophie-AnnA Gay Old Time
Is it just us or was Sunday’s episode obsessed with gender bending? First we see Eric wearing Tara’s mom’s dress in Lafayette’s vision, then the cross-dresser who Sookie interrupts while he’s trying on a new outfit at Maryann’s lair. And then there was our first gander at Queen Sophie-Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) snacking on the thigh of her female human companion, who turns out to be Sookie’s cousin Hadley (clearly this thing for the undead runs in the Stackhouse genes!). A centuries-old vampire who was made in the flower of her youth, Queenie is a retro gal with a penchant for old-school tunes and ‘40s pinup style. Her line delivery, however, came across more like snarky Gossip Girl than world-weary royal. Still, it was good for a laugh and it’s nice to know there’s someone around who’s as cool-as-a-cucumber as Miss Maryann. Much more provocative was Queenie’s anything-goes sexuality.  Bill obliges her when she insists he snack on one of her male pets, but draws the line at having sex with him. A tickled Queenie shares that she likes to watch two men go at it and even suggests Bill and Eric get horizontal to resolve their struggle to be top vampire in Sookie’s heart. Looks like Queenie will be stoking the flames of that fire next season. 
It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

It's good to have Lafayette back in action.

Good Help is Hard to Find

Back in Bon Temps, Miss Maryann is up one and down one when Tara breaks free of Lafayette’s lavender fur handcuffs (with the help of her eternally guilty, God-fearin’, booze-lovin’ mom) and returns to the fold. Maryann goes maenad manic, however, when her moronic minions tell her how they were faked out by new best buds Jason and Andy. Luckily she comes upon a rifle-toting Lafayette trying to rescue Tara again. When Lafayette’s shot ricochets off her palm, killing her long-suffering man servant, she remembers that Lafayette can cook. Unfortunately for the snooping Sookie back at chez Maryann, a newly possessed Lafayette joins Tara and Eggs in cooking up what looks like a giant ostrich egg back at the ranch. Did Maryann lay it?

As the big season finale approaches September 13, we offer some final, random thoughts:

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

Pam's back, bad fashion sense and all!

It’s great to see Pam back, childless and proud. She kind of looked like Fergie in her scene.

Maryann looks silly in her bridal gown. Did she get it at David’s Bridal?

Looks like Eric and Queenie will have a cozy visit.

Best lines of the night:

“A maenad? In Bon Temps? That’s random.” – Queen Sophie Ann upon learning of Bill’s predicament back home.

 “Sometimes you have to destroy something to save it. That’s in the Bible… or the Constitution.” – Jason, explaining why violent action needs to be taken to deal with the possessed townsfolk.

“And you had to settle for a dead man!” – An enraged Tara, defending her love for Eggs to Sookie when she and Lafayette wouldn’t let her try to rescue him from Maryann.

“That man just liked to dance more than a normal man should.” – Hoyt’s ever hilarious mom, continuing the episode’s gay theme with an insinuation that his dad was a closeted homosexual. BTW, does anyone else think that she looks like the evil twin of Doris Roberts from Everyone Loves Raymond?

Photos copyright 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved.

August 23: Wall to wall action! 

Bill & SookieThe Exorcists

Despite having another sexy dream about Eric in his vulnerable state of mourning Godric’s passing, Sookie demonstrated what a great team she and Bill make when they arrived in Bon Temps to discover the town in a state of chaos. Finding her home transformed into an eerie, candle-lit garden of evil, Sookie and Bill confronted Miss Maryann and we discovered that although she’s superstrong like the vamps, and her blood is noxious to Bill, she is vulnerable to an agitated Sookie’s touch, which created a blinding glow when it met the maenad’s fiendish flesh. “What are you?,” wondered a fascinated Maryann, echoing Lorena’s question when she bit the nerdy, telepathic bellhop in Dallas. Could the glow mean that Sookie and the bellhop are Earth-bound angels? Will they figure in Maryann’s defeat? Stay tuned. Fleeing chez Maryann, our dynamic duo tackled the task of freeing Tara from her possession. Sookie and Bill again proved a formidable duo when they combined their powers to liberate Tara from Maryann’s spell.

Friend or foe? Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Ann

Friend or foe? Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie-Ann

Bill promptly left town to recruit the help of a royal vampire who just might have the solution to Bon Temp’s maenad problem. Evan Rachel Wood, the beautiful actress who is dating shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, has been cast as Sophie-Ann, the Queen of the Vampires. Will she be good or a total bitch? Will “True Blood” be swapping one villainess for another? 

Mob Mentality

Maybe we’re crazy, but detective Andy is really starting to grow on us. We love how he’s protecting the adorable Sam, even if he is “an occasional nudist.” After the two were lured to Merlotte’s by a possessed Arlene’s fake distress call, they managed to get themselves locked in the freezer. Luckily, Jason shows up in  a Rambo-meets-the-Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre get up (which nicely showcased his toned biceps, by the way), wielding a chainsaw and a B-movie attitude.

Jason always ends up shirtless. Go figure.

Jason always ends up shirtless. Go figure.

 When Sam surrendered himself to Maryann’s minions, Jason and Andy proved they’re not as stupid as they look by faking the arrival of the “horned god” everyone’s been awaiting. Andy has a second career waiting for him as a special effects guy and Jason, well he looked mighty toned in his shirtless getup as Miss Maryann’s faux demon god. Sam’s shift into fly mode was a stroke of genius and the dumb denizens of Bon Temps bought it hook, line and sinker.

 Best lines of the night:

 “You dirty little monkey,” – Hoyt’s possessed mom, putting the moves on a grossed-out Jason at Bill’s house.

 “At least shoot the cheap liquor. Bottom shelf! Bottom shelf!” – a possessed, but cost-conscious, Arlene to her gun-toting lover man Terry as they struggled to subdue Sam and Andy at Merlotte’s.

 “There’s a new waitress at Merlotte’s?” – a hopeful Jason, anticipating a new conquest before learning of Daphne’s untimely demise.

 “Jesus and I agreed to see other people. That don’t mean we don’t talk from time to time,” – Lafayette to his stunned aunt after completing her prayer to release Tara from her possession.

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